Title: If I Was Your Girl
Author: Meredith Russo
Awards: Stonewall Book Award, Walter Dean Myers Award
Book Focus: Realistic Fiction
Meredith Russo is from Chattanooga, TN and If I Was Your Girl is her first novel. She, like her character Amanda, is a transgender woman and wanted to write a realistic, yet hopeful, story similar to her own experiences. Meredith Russo’s next book will be released in 2019.
If I Was Your Girl is the story of Amanda, a teen girl who has recently moved to a new town to live with her father, after transitioning from male to female. She tentatively starts attending a new high school and making friends, after having dealt with bullying and depression in the past. Amanda is torn between revealing her past in attempt to be open and truthful and concealing her history in order to protect herself. She learns the power of family and friendship and the journey of self-acceptance.
Tunnel, et al. stated that, “Contemporary realistic fiction tells a story that never happened but could have happened” (2015, p. 138). The character of Amanda, a transgender teenager, has a story that many teens could relate to, though there haven’t been many books written from this perspective to date. Teens and young adults who have not experienced the reality of transgender people can connect with many themes in the book, such as friendship, family, and self-acceptance, while also learning about life from another viewpoint. Tennel et al. also stated, “In this genre are the experiences in my world that I do not yet have- books dealing with specific regions, cultures, nationalities, minorities, and subgroups that provide an expanded understanding of my world'” (2015, p. 139). If I Was Your Girl fits into the Problem Novel category of Contemporary Realistic Fiction. (Tunnel et al. 2016). The novel centers around Amanda’s problems both in the past and the present. She has always felt different, felt that she should be a girl. After much bullying and a suicide attempt she tells a doctor,
“It feels wrong to be a boy, though. When my hair gets long and people mistake me for a girl, I feel happy. I try to imagine what kind of man I’ll grow up to be, and nothing comes. I think about being a husband or a father and even if it’s with a man I feel like I’m being sucked into a black hole. The only time I feel like I have a future at all is if I imagine I’m a girl in it.”
If I Was Your Girl, p. 30
The chapters that take place in the past show the reader how Amanda, then called Andrew, struggled to fit in, both at school and with her dad, who desired a “typical” father son relationship. The problems that she faced then and the problems that she faces in the present time of the book are the focus of the plot. In the present day Amanda is primarily struggling with the question of if she should tell her new friends and her new boyfriend that she is transgender.
” I thought of going the rest of my life pretending I sprang to life from nothing at sixteen years old and felt my cheeks flush with shame and anger. I was so tired of cowering. I was so tired of hiding. I wanted to tell the truth, to say it out loud.”
If I Was Your Girl, p. 46
She is also navigating the relationship with her father, whom she hasn’t spent much time with since her suicide attempt and transition. In the end, after a traumatic scene at the Homecoming Dance, and after respite at her mom’s house, Amanda comes to a place of peace and acceptance.
“Either way, I realized, I wasn’t sorry I existed anymore. I deserved to live. I deserved to find love. I knew now- I believed, now- that I deserved to be loved.”
If I Was Your Girl, p. 273
If I Was Your Girl has many opportunities for discussions focused on critical literacy. The story of a transgender teen is not common place at this time, and is disrupting the norm, and there is much to consider. Why has this voice been silenced for so long, and in may ways is still silenced? Can students imagine feeling like Amanda- feeling uncomfortable in your skin, afraid to be your true self, and to feel lost in your life? This book can encourage students to stand up for others when they witness bullying and to be accepting and open-minded of others and their journeys. There are also many social issues that surround the rights of transgender people that could inspire action in students. If I Was Your Girl is a story of a brave and strong young adult navigating difficult circumstances with maturity and dignity.
References
- Tunnell, M. O., Jacobs, J. S., Young, T. A., & Bryan, G. (2016). Children’s literature, briefly (6th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.
- Russo, M. (2016). If I was your girl. New York, NY: Flatiron Books.
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meredith_Russo
Between the Trees 
I loved your analysis of If I Was Your Girl. It is so true that the perspective of a trans teenager is not one that we get to see often, yet. I hope we get more stories from all perspectives and journeys! I also think this book would be great to inspire action from students. They all might not have the trans experience, but they could relate in someway or another to Amanda’s journey and hopefully learn to be empathetic to others going through journeys different from their own. I also hope this books calls students to stand up for each other and stand up against bullying. I think it is great that Meredith Russo included friends that accepted Amanda for who she was even after Bee spilled her deep, dark secret. I hope this shows students a positive way to react to differences.
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